I was robbed today
I was robbed today.
Someone came in and stole all my security.
I’m left with nothing but shame and a down-cast spirit.
I caught the thief.
That should be a relief, right?
Not when it’s my own mind.
Away from the security of home and familiar people and setting, I’ve become defined by first impressions. I don’t recall a time when appearances were this important to me. Ok, maybe my first day in high school.
Um, excuse me, that was 20 yrs ago… haven’t you grown up yet?
I used to be able to walk into church with a pair of jeans and a nice top and really not care what anyone thinks. But, today I find myself trying on multiple outfits, weighing options, and not being happy with the results.
The kids got home from school today and looked at me and knew something was wrong. I looked sad, dejected, didn’t want to engage in conversation, was on the edge of tears. Then it dawned on me. I have two girls who are learning about their own bodies. These are definitive years for them. What do they know about their mom’s body image? She worries about her underwear lines showing. She’s always asking “Do I look fat in this?” She doesn’t like people bringing ice cream into the house. She is often on a new diet. So, when my 11 yr old says ridiculous things like “I hate myself” who do I have to blame? Don’t I say those same things inside my own mind? I’ve taught her well.
2 Cor 5:16-17: So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
Col 3:1-4: Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
These two verses mean so much to me. I could teach on these verses for hours! The power of Christ’s love transforming us into new creations is just amazing. I truly have been changed in Christ. But apparently my brain has not connected this change to my physical body. I still view myself based on my pant size, the scale number and a hollow silhouette. When I see the thousand images online, on sceen, or on paper, I subconsciously think that I’m not enough.
Enough is enough!
I’ve caught the thief. Now, what do I do with her?
It’s time for real transformation… even in the midst of an insecure transition.
Posted on June 1, 2012, in body image and tagged 2 Cor 5, body image, Col 3, insecurity. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.
A painful and beautiful revelation all in the same breath. You are working through a lot of emotions right now and giving yourself permission to speak them, feel them, is a great gift to yourself. I recently spoke this at a cancer survivor’s event: “Being a survivor isn’t just about beating the cancer. Being a survivor is about defeating the silence.”
You’re well on your way, sister, and my prayers are with you. I, too, have a daughter who is growing in her image of self. I certainly don’t want her to battle as fiercely with her insecurities as I battle with mine.
Blessings & peace~elaine
What to do with her? Love her through it, pray, surround her with friends she can trust who will reflect a true image back to her. your transparency takes my breath away. That, my sister, is true beauty!
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