A year ago I was in a dark place. It actually began months before, in the summer of ‘07. During the summer months I started to feel as if my depression medication was not working anymore. My doctor reluctantly scaled down my meds and remarkably I began to feel like myself again.
After a few months, things changed. Day by day, week by week, then month by month my mood sank. I fought hard along the way. I tried herbs, foods, exercise, even accupunture. Slowly all hope was gone. Within days I was filled with anger and grief for being back in the pit of despair.
Here’s an excerpt from my journal at that time:
Lord, I am depressed. Rescue me. Help me out of my darkness. I feel trapped, like there is no way out. I don’t even know how to describe where I’m at…
It didn’t take long for my family (300 miles away) to see the changes. Toward the end of a Christmas visit my father sat me down and recommended I seek help. He knew I would need something different than the normal psychiatrist visit. (you know the kind… how are you feeling?… try this medication… call me in 2 weeks…)
I had shared with my family about a specialized neurologist in my area who advised me to undergo a series of tests. But it would cost money. Lots of money. Money we didn’t have.
My dad said he would write a check for whatever I needed. Just GO GET HELP.
Now, without you knowing my father, you can’t appreciate the gravity of this moment in my life. However, that conversation was a turning point for me. (Thanks Dad – I love you.)
When I made my appointment for my EEG and SPECK I had no idea what to expect.
For both tests I needed to be mildly sleep deprived. I’m a night owl – no problem!
The problem comes, however, at 7am, when I need to drive myself 20 miles to The Neuroscience Center in a snow storm! (remember, I’m sleep deprived!)
The first test, an EEG, I sat in an office chair in the middle of a room. 
The doctor began to hook my head up to wires connected to a recording device. It looked something like this picture. The test started and I didn’t feel a thing. Within minutes I was asleep and that’s when the real work happened. I woke up to the doctor turning on the lights and removing wires stuck on my head with sticky gel.
The other test completed at The Neuroscience Center was a brain SPECK. Click on the link if you’d like to read more about the test. 
Quite honestly, I don’t have the medical background to give it the appropriate description! What I can tell you is it felt very similar to a MRI (which I also had as part of this battery of testing).
The SPECK test provided pictures of blood flow in my brain - where the brain works correctly and where it doesn’t. The EEG provided pictures of the electronic activity in my brain.
After all tests were completed (along with MRI and tons of blood work) my doctor informed me I had abnormal brain functioning. My response? ”Thank God!” Finally, something showed I wasn’t going crazy! These incredible tests were able to pinpoint the areas in the brain that needed specific help. Therefore my doctor knew exactly what kind of medication would work for me. Amazing!
Do you know that psychiatry is the ONLY profession that doesn’t perform tests on the in-operating part of the body to diagnose the problem? Think about it. Come up with ANY medical issue… there’s a medical test or some kind of diagnostic tool to help measure what is going wrong. Not with the traditional psychiatry. And most of us “consumers” in this field are frustrated.
That is why I am extremely happy to introduce you to this book: This is Your Brain on Joy.
The beauty of this book is that it combines the newest research in brain science, holistic practices, as well as spiritual health. Dr. Henslin is a Christian and actually devotes a whole chapter to the apostle Paul. Throughout the book Dr. Henslin writes in a friendly tone, and explains complex medical terms in every-day language.
Want more? Leave me a comment and I’ll give you more information on the specific area you are interested in.
For now, my brain is joyful (not that I don’t still have issues… I do). Happy Friday!
Wow Shane – that is amazing I had no idea how much you have gone through. What a fight a person with depression is up against. If someone had cancer they would never say “Well, we found a tumor – here’s some general cancer fighting medications now go home. And next week we’ll talk about what you did wrong like bad diet, exercise or negative thoughts that caused this to happen.” NEVER! – No they would give a ton of tests and find out exactly what is wrong and determine the best way they can treat your unique disease. It’s too bad they don’t do that with depression. I think it is wonderful that you are so open and brave to fight this. Not only are you helping others understand, but I’m sure you are a huge encouragement to others battling depression:)
In all my life, I’ve never heard of such a procedure! Thank God for dad’s who are willing to pull out the checkbook in times of need. My dad has done that for me and for my family on more than one occasion.
I’m also very glad to hear that the dr. was able to diagnose and to treat you accordingly. I know that your story is helping others who are suffering with depression. Keep writing it. It needs to be told.
peace~elaine
There is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for my family. There is NOTHING more important to me. There is nothing more precious than a father who is proud of his daughter! I love you, Shane.
Dad
I was completely touched by your post and thankful for your willingness to share. Then I read your dad’s comment above, and it just undid me! What a blessed woman you are to have a dad like that.
I am so glad you have found this doctor, had the tests and are finally receiving some real help. Sometimes God allows us to wait, but He is always faithful. Amen?
Your Brain on JOY. I love it!
Hi Shane,
I’m so glad that you were able to find a diagnosis, how frustrating it is for so many people, who suffer from deppression.
Your father’s comment touched my heart.
Love,
Carol
Shane, I just ordered this book and can’t wait to read it! The story of your dad was just beautiful. It sounds like you have amazing parents – What a true blessing!
Hi Shane,
I relate to this post on so many levels, and especially your comment – ‘After all tests were completed (along with MRI and tons of blood work) my doctor informed me I had abnormal brain functioning. My response? ”Thank God!” Finally, something showed I wasn’t going crazy!’
In my late teens I started suffering from insomnia, which by my near-to-mid twenties was very serious. I also started suffering memory loss, to which I responded by having panic attacks. (Didn’t even know panic attacks existed at this time.) Add to this mess my overworking, plus a massive shock, and into severe depression I went.
My God’s grace I was able to recover from depression, but whenever I tried to get off the anti-depressants, my moods swung black. In the end I spent about 12 years on them, and finally was able to reduce them by about 80%, but still could not take that last step.
To complicate matters, from the age of 29 I started having these weird turns – hundreds of them. One day Jesus somehow managed to force my wife and myself to watch the only episode we ever saw of ER (or Chicago Hope?) A character in the show had epilepsy, and her experience matched my turns so perfectly that I went to my doctor the next day.
And then came the MRI and EEG scans, and yes, to my profound relief, I was diagnosed with complex partial epilepsy.
I was placed on anti-seizure medication, and within a month was off anti-depressants. Finally, I knew what was wrong with me, and was on the right medication. I felt so relieved, just as you have mentioned in your post. (the meds have some side effects, but not as bad as the seizures and insomnia…)
Anyways, so glad to have found your blog, and seeing the amazing, courageous way you are responded throughout it all, is such an inspiration and glorifies Jesus.