(If you are stumbling onto this blog today for the first time, you may want to read the last 2 posts to bring you up to date: Have You Seen the Pit of Despair? & Deep in Despair)
What does depression feel like?
It might be easier to describe what depression is not. Depression is NOT:
- the blues
- having a bad day
- PMS
- spiritual weakness
- separation from God
- something you can “snap out of”
- a conscience choice
- an illness that will go away on its own
If you’d like more information on the myths verses facts of depression here is a nice, easy to read description. (It is written for college students, but depression doesn’t discriminate.)
A blog that I have read from time to time recently was updated after being silent for about a year. I related to her writing because she was a pastor’s wife like me and seemed real. Now we have even more in common. She has depression. Her rock bottom post is brilliantly written and I’d like you to read it to understand more of how depression feels.
For me, here are some of my rock bottom moments:
- Holding my new baby girl wishing she would fall asleep. When she did – staring at her wishing she would be awake to be with me. All within a hour time span!
- Being “stuck” sitting on a couch in a basement, needing to go to the bathroom upstairs, but literally not feeling like I could leave the “safety” of the couch and my newborn child.
- Staring out the front door saying I wanted to get away… my husband thought I meant that I wanted to leave him… I meant I wanted to leave this earth.
- Being held on the kitchen floor by a supportive husband crying, kicking, screaming not knowing why, but knowing I couldn’t do life anymore.
- Hearing my dad tell me he would pay for whatever medical treatment I needed.
It’s awful. It’s dark. Most of the time you can’t describe your feelings to yourself, let alone explain it to those you love.
I am amazed at the statistics that show nearly 2 out of 3 people do not actively seek treatment. Yet, 80% of treated patients show improvement within 4-6 weeks. Although, I understand the fear of admitting you need help. Especially mental help. Why is that? What’s the stigma? Why are we so ashamed to admit our weaknesses?
Tomorrow I’ll share the spiritual battle of depression. For today, comment about your own rock bottom. You don’t have to experience depression to hit different lows in your life. Everyone has different rock bottoms from time to time. A well known Christian speaker and writer, Carol Kent, often shares her devastating story to a large audiences. But she always reminds women that pain is pain. Don’t compare your pain to someone else and say “you aren’t worthy.” If you feel pain – it’s real pain. This blog is about doing life together as women. And sometimes you just need to vent! Go ahead and reply!
You know, I think that many women experience depression without even realizing it. How healthy to take it out of the dark, where the enemy would like for it to dwell! Let the Light shine upon it! (Ref. 2 Samuel 22:29, Psalm 18:28, Micah 7:8, John 8:12).
I went through one period about 10 years ago during which my husband and I endured a string of stressful events (including several moves in a short period of time {one over 800 miles from our home state!}, job changes, the birth of our daughter, the death of family members, and financial concerns).
I remember standing on a ladder at our new church, helping to decorate the Christmas tree … almost hoping that I would fall. I figured if I got hurt … not badly but just enough to be hospitalized … I could rest in the hospital and “have a little break” (Ha! No pun intended.).
I loved the last line of Amy’s “Rock Bottom” post: “I hit bottom, and there was my Rock.” Amen!
Shane, thanks for your kind words about my post. It’s amazing to me how widespread depression is, especially among women. Thanks for sharing your story too. Although I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it is comforting to know I’m not the only one.